Sex – or not – as the case may be
I’ve had that sniffy conversation again. The one where a ‘real’ writer turns to me and says, ‘Don’t you feel demeaned, writing erotica?’
Well no, actually. Let’s see:
1 – It’s fun
2 – It’s lucrative
3 – I get to meet some wonderful people who take me for lunch at exciting restaurants
5 – I like sex, and I like writing about it.
And unlike you, oh miserably up-tight and reputation-conscious literary writer, I don’t go to an office. I have no long and vile commute to endure. No boss makes my day miserable. I organise my own work and spend all day at home, wearing what I like, being polite to nobody (except the dogs, who expect it, being from Scotland), eating and drinking whatever and whenever and … get this, by this means I not only have a great time I ALSO PAY THE BILLS.
Borges said, ‘A writer should have another lifetime to see if he’s appreciated’. Good enough for Borges, good enough for me. I’m not a proud writer. What I am is a humble and fully employed writer. If I get a second lifetime I’ll worry about my reputation, until then I’m having fun, paying the mortgage and reminding myself that this is what pen names are for.
I feel better now.
And I shall be teaching my infamous course Writing about Sex which turns anybody into a professional, getting-paid-for-it, erotica writer, early next year, in a gorgeous venue in Brighton. Previous students have earned back their course fees with the sale of a SINGLE story written during the course, so it’s actually a cost-free course, if you do everything I tell you (and why wouldn’t you?). Let me know if you want details.